Self-Preservation Is Not Selfish: The Power of Saying “Enough”

There comes a point when doing your best starts breaking you. Not because you stopped caring. Not because you weren’t capable. But because the weight you were never meant to carry alone became too heavy—and you kept carrying it anyway.

When “Being the Strong One” Turns Into Self-Betrayal

Lately, I’ve been feeling it—physically, mentally, emotionally. Not just tired, but worn down from constantly carrying the weight of my team and having to battle for years against management that continually piled the weight of performance on my back.

But when your colleagues underperform and your management turns a blind eye, when the burden of the department's success keeps falling to you, and when consistent overperformance is rewarded with unrealistic expectations, not appreciation, it stops being “teamwork.” It becomes exploitation.

And when I asked for support and was met with silence—or worse, punishment—my body did what I wouldn’t: it started to say no.

You Cannot Perform Your Way Out of a Broken System

There’s something deeply toxic about being punished for not being superhuman. For years, I had the monikers "Superman" and "The Flash" for my excellence and ability to effectively and efficiently multitask. Yet, that's all they were: nicknames reflecting the quality of my work performance. Despite consistently performing above others, rather than being rewarded for that work ethic through promotions or pay raises, I was constantly just told to "do more."

Yes, I might have been occasionally recognized for my hard work—until the moment I faltered. No matter how effortlessly and flawlessly I handled 95% of my responsibilities, I was more often remembered, criticized, and punished for the 5% I couldn’t carry.

And too often, we internalize that dysfunction:

"If I just try harder…"

"If I can just get through this week…"

"If I don’t do it, who will?"

But here’s the truth:

🛑 If a system needs you to sacrifice your health to survive, it’s not a system worth saving.

🛑 If the only time you’re seen is when you fall short, that’s not leadership—it’s control.

🛑 And if your body is begging you to slow down, that’s not laziness—it’s wisdom.

Everyone isn't a "phoenix." Burning yourself out, hoping to come back stronger doesn't work and can be more detrimental to your overall wellbeing.

PTO Is for Your Personal Use

PTO is for Protecting The Only (you). It is your personal time off to use for your wellbeing.

Let’s be clear:

🛑 Rest is not a luxury.

🛑 PTO is not a reward.

🛑 Taking time is not weakness.

PTO is there for you—whether you need a vacation, a break from stress, a day to simply breathe, or a moment to recover from feeling mentally or physically broken. You do not need to apologize for that.

It is not heroic to say “I’ve never missed a day of work” if you’re saying it through clenched teeth, migraines, exhaustion, or quiet resentment. Pushing through when you're sick, broken down, and overwhelmed isn’t admirable. It’s dangerous. And it’s been normalized for too long.

This isn’t about taking advantage of your time off. It’s about knowing when the cost of pushing through is too high, because your body—and your peace—will always collect the debt you ignore.

Self-Preservation: Choosing Yourself—Without Apology

There’s nothing noble about breaking yourself for people who would replace you without hesitation. Self-preservation isn’t quitting. It’s refusing to abandon yourself.

Prioritizing your wellness doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means you understand that:

🔹 You can’t pour from an empty cup.

🔹 You can’t be at peace in a place that treats you like a machine.

🔹 You can’t keep saying yes to everything without saying no to yourself.

Take the time. Get the rest. Set boundaries. Say no, even when it feels uncomfortable. Say yes to yourself—especially when no one else is.

You are not a machine. You are not a martyr. You do not exist to carry what others won’t.

Final Thought

You are allowed to protect your peace. You are allowed to rest without guilt. You are allowed to stop before you break. You don’t need to earn rest through burnout. You don’t need to collapse to justify pausing. You don’t need to wait for permission to protect your wellbeing.

If the weight is too heavy, you are allowed to set it down. You are allowed to choose you. You are allowed to heal. You are allowed to stop being everything for everyone else—and start being whole for yourself.

Because that’s not weakness. That’s strength. That’s self-preservation.